To December

Saw this cotton candy sky outside my house this afternoon and I had to go outside to take pictures of it with my rain boots, umbrella, and camera because it was too pretty.
Saw this cotton candy sky outside my house this afternoon and I had to go outside to take pictures of it with my rain boots, umbrella, and camera because it was too pretty.

I never liked December.

It gets cold. It gets dark earlier. It is exam season for the university students out there. Christmas kind of makes up for it, but not all of it.

I feel like something inside of me is changing this winter.

For awhile now I’ve noticed that I avoid going out. I decline invitations to parties, dinners, and other social gatherings. My excuses are always that “it’s too far” or “I have to study” but the honest truth is that I just don’t want to. Instead of going out, I will choose to stay at home and read or watch movies or eat or actually study. But that never really felt like a legitimate reason for not going out. It seems kind of rude too, to say “I just don’t want to”.

And if I do go out, it’s usually somewhere with just myself. I’d go to the library or shopping in the mall by myself. I’d go to my secret study spots at campus instead of checking out to see if my friends are in the usual hang-out areas. Lately I’ve even begun to want to just walk around campus taking pictures when there’s pretty weather.

And the thing is that I like it that I am by myself. I like staying at home all day while my parents and sister are all out somewhere. I like looking around in the malls by myself so I can take my time. I just like to do things alone. Is that strange?

Of course I still like to talk to my friends and eat lunch with them and stuff like that. And it’s not like I’m actually buried in schoolwork. But it seems like I just choose to be by myself more often now.

I wonder how that has come to be.

I never liked December.

Solitude is where one discovers one is not alone. – Marty Rubin

Sincerely,

Loewe

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To Loewe:

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