… is what my eye doctor told me a few weeks ago.
Today’s Daily Prompt: Primp
Last month, I noticed that I had trouble viewing text on a computer with my glasses on. I went to get my glasses updated, thinking the issue was resolved, only to notice a few days later that my sight became blurry once more. It was strange that my prescription would change so suddenly, so I made an appointment to see my eye doctor. After running many tests, he concluded that my glasses are fine, but my eyes – specifically my corneas – are not.
My cornea is damaged and scarred, causing me to have blurred vision even with correct glasses. This also causes my prescription to be unstable, which explains why my new glasses work one day and not the next. This was mostly due to chronic contact lens usage over the years, which is apparently very common for females in her early twenties (guess I’m a perfect sample), and in order for it to heal, I have to stop wearing contacts. I most definitely cannot wear them for the next few months because of a medicinal eye drop, and advisably, I should stop wearing them completely in the future. Laser eye surgery is also impossible unless it heals completely, which may take up to 2 years.
This news devastated me.
There are many aspects of this that I am not looking forward to, such as dropping something in my eye every 4 hours (I am so bad with eye drops… they just go everywhere but in my eye), but the thing I hate the most is that now I have to wear glasses.
I hate wearing glasses and I can spill out a bunch of little reasons why, but the biggest reason is because I’m vain. It sounds so shallow, but I can’t deny it – I think I look horrible with glasses on.
People who know I dislike wearing my glasses always tell me that I look fine with them on. Logically, I know I still look fine, but the problem is I don’t feel fine. I don’t feel good about myself and I get even more upset for allowing this to be a reason to not like myself. If I dislike myself, let it be because I’m not kind enough or that I’m too lazy – something that actually makes me a worse person.
Back when I disliked myself, I told myself that I could change. I can study more, exercise more, work more, be there for other people more – I can fix all the parts about myself that I disliked. I told myself that I didn’t have to rely on other people to feel good about myself and I placed self-love high above the love of others. Other people can think I’m this or that, but what I thought of myself was the most important.
This mindset helped me resolve a lot of my insecurities. I felt confident and happy with who I was and I learned how to respect myself enough to say no to people who made me feel otherwise. But how do I say no to myself in this case?
Right now I tell myself that I am still the same person regardless of if I am wearing glases or not. I tell myself not to be shallow, not to be vain, and not to define myself by whether or not I believe I look pretty.
I remind myself that my sight is pretty damn important, that my eyes will heal, and that maybe one day I’ll even prefer glasses over contacts, but today is once again not the day.
Happy girls are the prettiest.
― Audrey Hepburn