Thoughts: Jealousy

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This month I’ve been pondering about jealousy, mostly because I noticed that I’ve been feeling jealous of others more frequently than before.

When do I feel jealous? I feel jealous of others when they tell me all the good things they have going on in their life right now. I’m jealous of others when they are happy and oh what a terrible realization that is because what kind of a friend – what kind of a decent human being – does that?

Jealousy, in my opinion, is less about other people and more about you. It shines light on your own insecurities and fears. If you were happy – truly happy – with your own life, you wouldn’t feel jealousy.

If you are happy, you can be happy for others – it’s as simple as that. If one day you realize that you are not genuinely happy for someone, then it is time to take a reflection as to what is really bothering you.

It can be argued that a little bit of jealousy can be healthy because it can fuel ambition or self-improvement, but that’s only if you take jealousy and funnel it into a healthy confident mindset. It’s not about having the same things or the same experiences as other people because that won’t happen and it doesn’t even matter because you have your own amazing experiences that other people won’t get to have either.

Healthy jealousy is about balling up those negative emotions and channeling it into a solution towards your real issues. Jealousy is normal and you shouldn’t feel ashamed of it. As with many negative feelings, the important part is to allow yourself to feel these emotions and accept them, but move on from it after. Feeling jealous? Go ahead and let yourself be jealous, and then remind yourself that you have a good life too with many happy moments. Still feel jealous because you really want that thing or experience? Why not work towards achieving it yourself then?

Jealousy, like all the other toxic emotions we feel that stops us from achieving more in life, is an opportunity to become a better person. If you choose not to do that, then you will be stuck in a constant downhill spiral where you are miserable and the only thing that makes you less miserable is if other people are miserable with you. Surrounding yourself with these thoughts and people only hinder you from becoming happy, which is ultimately the solution to jealousy.

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Sincerely, Loewe

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2 thoughts on “Thoughts: Jealousy

  1. Good post Loewe. :)

    Talking about jealousy reminds me of that story you told me of your friend’s girlfriend the other day. Jealous spouses fear a loss of love, but they themselves accelerate that loss of love by treating love as an entitlement rather than something to be grateful towards. Rather than thinking, “Thank you for choosing to love me continuously.” they think, “You’re SUPPOSED to love me because you’re my boyfriend why are you hanging out with her?!” (I also think a lot of marriages fall apart because gratitude gets replaced with entitlement.)

    The root of all negative emotions is based on fear of loss. What are you afraid of when you experience jealousy? Is it the fear of losing out on love? On esteem? On identity? On self-image? On respect? On control?

    1. -replaces gratitude with entitlement that Tracy will always read my posts- :P

      Yes, the root of jealousy is really fear and it’s unfortunate that one’s personal reaction to that is to project it onto external reasons, whereas fear is something that is always internal.

      I think often times when I am experiencing jealousy, there is a self-esteem issue, or perhaps even a fear of not meeting up to expectations on what “happiness” is at that time.

To Loewe:

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