It could be a lot worse.

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In an empty Starbucks by a hospital, my friend of over 13 years cried for me from across a little wooden table.

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From the 2017 me

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This year has been the worst year of my life and the shitty saga continues.

What are some big lessons from this year? I learned that people you love will leave you and you can’t make them stay. Cancer is a bitch. Loneliness makes us do terrible things. You can try to fake it until you make it and people will believe you but you’ll always know you’re faking it. I’m not brave enough to die and I’m not brave enough to live either.

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This Christmas, my mom washed my hair

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So I had a kinda shitty Christmas (and a kinda shitty year) and long story short, I spent almost 10 hours at 2 different hospitals during Christmas Eve after a snowboarding injury the day before.

The hospital was crazy busy – clinics and family doctor practices were closed for the holidays so there were a bunch of sick people who really didn’t have to be at the hospital, and a lot of exhausted nurses and doctors who weren’t earning stat pay. It took me 4 hours to get ice for my injured thumb and the man next to me who had a car accident the morning of had to wait 2 hours to get painkillers (“I guess we need to resort to alcohol instead”… – gets wasted in x ray hall-).

My thumb is swollen and black but whatever- with how the year has been going I’m surprised I didn’t dislocate my whole arm. I was referred to see a hand specialist at a different hospital asap but the worst case scenario is that they put a screw in it so I can bend it again.

What I really want to write about is the moment on Christmas night when my mom washed my hair for me.

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