I’d like to believe that I am an optimistic person, but the reality is that I’m more pessimistic than most people think. Sometimes, morbid and depressing thoughts just enter my mind and instead of reacting with: Well it doesn’t have to be this way! or Look at the bright side! I just solemnly agree in silence.
Sometimes I feel like my biggest life struggle is a never ending mission to like myself.
My life motto is to always strive to be a better person – smarter, kinder – the type of person I want to be best friends with, but every time I think I reach that point, something dark inside me pulls me back and makes me think that I am not smart or kind or good.
I am a lucky holder of the equivalent-to-a-Willy-Wonka-golden-ticket VIA Rail 150 Youth Pass! Last week, VIA Rail announced a special promotion for Canada’s 150th birthday – unlimited train travel for $150 in July if you’re 12-25 years old*. For context, a 3-zone month bus pass in just Vancouver is almost $200, so I jumped at this deal!
Chaos broke out, their website crashed, people were on VIA Rail’s phone lines for hours, and at the end of 36 hours, over 4,000 Canadian youths will be embarking on a train adventure this summer (and I’m one of them -screams-)!
My parents went on their first ever trip alone this month and because of this, I’ve been doing a lot of “adult” things. By “adult” things I mean stuff like cooking/buying groceries, doing the laundry – stuff you probably already do on a normal basis as a fully-functioning adult.
Reminder: I’m a big baby who doesn’t know how to take care of herself.
Last year for Christmas, my mother got me a hobonichi techo cousin. Now I find myself in the wonderful and expensive world of hobonichi.
For those who are not aware, Hobonichi is a Japanese company that sells stationary, centered around their famous planner, the hobonichi techo. The hobonichi techo has garnered a global fan base. Not only are entire blogs dedicated to this planner, but you can find Facebook pages, Instagram accounts, and Pinterest pages all focused on the Hobonichi1.
Public service reminder: you are not the only one growing old.
Often times, I notice time passing by me, but to myself only. For example, I notice that my hair is due for a haircut, but I don’t notice the gray hairs that have sprouted out from my parent’s heads. I am always focused on my own development, my own life, and I tend to forget that everyone around me grows older too.
Last week, I had another reminder of this fact when I visited my doctor. He told me he is retiring.
I’ve always told myself that beauty is just another arena of life that I can improve. I can work out for a better body, choose more flattering makeup and clothes, get braces or contacts, do my hair – I can do something about it.
But because I am vain, I struggle internally if I don’t think I look good even after I try. I don’t go out because I feel terrible, I feel terrible because I look terrible, and I think I look terrible probably because I am terrible- terribly vain.