Poetry: I hate me

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and I hate me the most

every time I realize

I love you.

I would also like to leave you

like you aren’t special to me at all.

 

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Hiatus

Hi everyone,

I am not well. I think I am in a bad place right now.

I have decided to stop blogging until I recover. This blog is very dear to me because it is a collection of many things I love. It is a place where I am inspired and I have never thought of maintaining this blog as a hassle or something I had to do grudgingly.

Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts and stories with me since I started blogging in 2012. Thank you in advance for your best wishes for me.

I am going to try my best.

Sincerely, Loewe

I don’t want a new dog.

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Let’s all cry a little inside for Hachiko first.

You’re the person whose dog dies and you refuse to get a new one. You’re the one that is like, “I had a dog! My dog was great! I don’t want a new dog!”

I laughed when my friend said this to me, but the joke stayed in my mind. It was funny because it’s true and I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not.

I’ve realized that I am someone who has a hard time moving on. I’m not sure why I am so fixated on the past. My present is wonderful and my future still looks bright, but nothing is as appealing as the idea of going back to my happiness from the past. And while there’s nothing wrong with taking a stroll down memory lane, I always forget that I no longer live there anymore.

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10 Sad Thoughts

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I’d like to believe that I am an optimistic person, but the reality is that I’m more pessimistic than most people think. Sometimes, morbid and depressing thoughts just enter my mind and instead of reacting with: Well it doesn’t have to be this way! or Look at the bright side! I just solemnly agree in silence.

What kind of thoughts are these? Well…

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Books: A Thousand Pieces of You

A Thousand Pieces of You by Claudia Gray is a book about Marguerite, daughter of two scientists, who travels through multiple dimensions to avenge her father’s death.

By multiple dimensions, we mean parallel universes and there’s an infinity of them. There’s a universe where technology is advanced 50 years ahead, where you embarked on a different career choice, where you were never born, where Hitler won WWII, the list goes on and on. Every little crossroad for every individual, every factor that could’ve created a different life, a different world, is a different dimension and it’s all happening at the same time your dimension is running.

Interesting stuff, right? This post isn’t really a book review, because the most interesting idea I got from reading this book was about the existence of fate.

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I like it I’m 24

Happy birthday to me, I am 24 now. My next paragraphs may seem like I’m going off on a tangent, but there’s a connecting link – I swear!

Time travel back two years ago, popular kpop artist IU’s hit song was “Twenty-Three”. Her lyrics translated starts with:

I’m twenty three
I’m a riddle
Try to guess the answer

IU released her new album this year with her title track “Palette”. A snippet of her lyrics says this:

I like it I’m twenty five
I know you like me / I know you hate me
Ooh I got this I’m truly fine
I think I know a little bit about myself now

Long story short, this is exactly how I feel.

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Today I don’t like myself – Part II

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For Part I – read here.

Sometimes I feel like my biggest life struggle is a never ending mission to like myself.

My life motto is to always strive to be a better person – smarter, kinder – the type of person I want to be best friends with, but every time I think I reach that point, something dark inside me pulls me back and makes me think that I am not smart or kind or good.

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